May 8, 2022
Well everyone i am getting very annoyed with my health. It seems every time I turn my head i am in the hospital and as much as I try to avoid it - it still seems to happen.
I have not lost my faith although there is some days I feel as if I’m ready to give up all together. I think about my future and the freedom I’ve yet to reach - that is what keeps me holding strong and of-course my family.
So I am dealing with chest pains, heartaches and i can barely get a breath in. Very scary and can cause my nerves to shoot up from 0 to 100 quick so that is why I decided to come in on this lovely hot day. For a second I felt an anxiety attack coming on which lately I’ve been dealing with more than usual… might even have to get prescribed medication and that I do not want! Who knows, maybe I can fight this without medication and beat my own thoughts because I am strong and willing.
So, the doctor told me that I seem to be very stressed which is causing the tightness within my chest. I so agreed. Sometimes there’s no worry in my days, but on the days I do worry I allow stress to build up and take over me and my mood. This at times can bring on my anxiety. It was also very hot outdoors and heat does make me lightheaded and I get super anxious that I can’t cope. I have been super tired like not just really wanting to do anything yet i still am doing more than I should put on myself. My body is now paying for this state of “running low on time” mode and it’s taking me down day by day.
It Is important we pause and take a step back instead of continuing to moving forward when there is no feeling of passion, lack of motivation.
It’s a must I get this under control for me.
All I’m hearing is i need to see a therapist and I think I do too. I may be holding on to so much that is out of my control even past events and it’s leaving me stuck and very stressed. I can really feel the stress on my body and boy does it hurts.
Not knowing excatly all the things that are making me feel this way, but I know several - I need to start somewhere and begin healing or else Ill never truly be happy.
To be happy and in no pain is what I am manifesting to the fullest because I am worthy and deserving of it.
Mentally I know I can be better so I am ready to do better so I am better!
I am not going to fight because the battlefield isn’t for me - instead I will say my prayers, set my intentions, gain a healthy routine and diet, let go and ALLOW myself to flow within nature.
Sad I’ve wasted several hours with my mother, but happy I didn’t stay home with these pains shooting inside of me.
Whats new to me is this curse must be broken. My mother tells me I have it now and somewhere it needs to be stopped. From my grandmother, mom and now me … I must do something and heal properly - to not let such things take me away from my true self and positivity ; from my soul and my sanity.
There comes a time when it is time to suck it up and rejoice in breathing and patience because that do justice alone. So I am learning to treat myself with care and to be honest with who I am and what I allow within my life that is cherished by the second.
Starting now, today - I am about me and The Who I will become ; smarter, greater, stable, consistent, peaceful, loving, kind, nurturing, secure, abundant and a blessing not only to entites around me but to myself for eye am a Queen living with no regrets in a universe that loves me.
My mental health will come to outshine and be stable than the days I’ve questioned my life and worth. I will no longer let what isn’t beneficial to me hinder me from my inner and outer growth. I am healing!
This is healing.
- Jakala Breon | The Queen